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Mourning
Today, many Jews do not observe all the traditional mourning customs. Nobody should feel pressured to do so. However, these customs have proved helpful to many people in coping with grief and loss and mourners should consider following them if it will assist them.
The custom is to mourn for an initial seven days, hence the term ‘sitting shivah’ – shivah meaning ‘seven’
During the shivah, mourners are not expected to leave their home and family and friends visit them, both to comfort them and to recite the morning and evening services. Prayers usually take place in the home of the deceased. If the residence of the deceased or the mourners is not conducive to prayers, the Synagogue premises may be used
The purpose of the shivah is to give comfort and support to mourners
The person speaking on behalf of the family of mourners is able to advise Beit Emanuel/Rabbi how many days of prayers will be recited as it is now more common to have few days of mourning
Follow the practices with which you feel most comfortable and do not feel pressured by anyone else’s beliefs or opinions
The custom is to begin the period of shivah on the day of the funeral and conclude on the seventh day when just one hour of mourning is deemed to be sufficient
During the seven days the Shabbat is counted as one of the days however no outward mourning rituals are observed and therefore you may attend synagogue
No prayer service is held on a Saturday evening in the home
If a death occurs prior to a Jewish festival providing one can sit shivah for one hour before the festival, then the festival cancels the whole seven days
If a funeral takes place during a festival then the shivah is delayed until after the festival (consult the Rabbi regarding how many days one would observe in this case)
After the seven days, there is a further period of mourning, called the sheloshim (“thirty) which includes the seven days, when a semi-mourning is observed which consists of mourners not participating in any form of personal enjoyment either secular or sacred
Following the death of a parent, a whole year is set aside for the daily recitation of the kaddish and abstinence from personal enjoyment and entertainment
HOUSE OF MOURNING
After returning to the house of mourning a Yahrzeit (memorial) candle is lit and burns for seven days
In some communities there is a custom that the mourners partake of a symbolic ‘meal of mourning’ which includes foods which are round in appearance, e.g. hard-boiled eggs, bagels and fish balls. This symbolizes the ‘cycle of life’, with the meal being prepared and served by others, not by the mourners themselves
The practice of visiting mourners and bringing food to their home thereby assisting them with their routine tasks such as shopping and housework is commended and encouraged through the shivah period
It is customary to cover any mirrors in the room where prayers are being held
If possible a small table should be position at the north wall on which a lighted yahrzeit candle is placed without blessing (some people place two unlit candles in normal candlesticks) on the same table which may be lit or left unlit. No blessing is recited and the lighting is done just before prayers commence
It is advised that the front door to the house is accessible and open, that all cellphones should be switched off and landlines left off the hook
Beit Emanuel will provide the prayers books and all present woman and men alike in a non-segregated manner can participate in the service
At the end of the service the mourners will be invited to recite kaddish and following this will sit on a low stool/chair convenient for those present to pay their respects
Refreshments after prayers are customarily provided by those who come to comfort the bereaved
Attendance At Services
Most progressive Jews do not attend daily services
The majority will attend on Shabbat during the shivah period, during which the name of the deceased will be mentioned prior to the recital of the kaddish by the congregation
Yahrzeits & Remembering
As a member, you will receive annual yahrzeit reminders of your close family members. You may contact Christine McIntosh on 083 302 7259 to provide names of anyone you would like to have included on the list. The names are read on the Shabbat before the anniversary of the yahrzeit.
In addition, evening prayers can be arranged in the Synagogue on the specific date of the Yahrzeit. If you require weekday evening prayers, please contact the Synagogue office a reasonable period in advance so that the appropriate arrangements may be made.
A letter is sent to you approximately four weeks prior to the Shabbat, at which the name will be read out. There are a choice of mitzvot, should you wish to take part in the service:
Friday evening – lighting the Shabbat candles, opening the ark, a reading
Shabbat morning – opening the ark, brachot before/after reciting the torah and/or haftorah blessings, the haftorah reading (in English), community blessings
Memorials
It is a long-established Jewish practice to erect a memorial at some time following a burial and the timing of the tombstone varies between one month to eleven months after burial
To commemorate a person who was cremated a “Wall of Remembrance” has been built at West Park Cemetery where the ashes of the deceased are interred into a niche in the wall and sealed with a dedication plaque
The Rabbi, or an experienced lay reader will conduct a service of consecration of tombstones and the placing of the ashes in the Wall of Remembrance
You can purchase a leaf on the Tree of Life in the Synagogue foyer for your love one/s and it is customary to offer a donation to the Synagogue when a leaf is commissioned
BEIT DIN
A Beit Din is a panel of Rabbis, sometimes assisted by knowledgeable individuals nominated by the Jewish community. A Progressive beit din has authority to make binding decisions in matters pertaining to Jewish status, marriage, divorce, adoption and conversion.